The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:

Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men .

Yet, in a global mindset that allows for these tenets, why is the world so afraid to be honest with its people? Beacuse they won't have power over them. Yet they choose to risk alienating the people who are smart enough smell their BS; who, in their numbers alone, should be as powerful, if not more so, than the supposed "powers that be"!

In the 70s, 80s and 90s, America's young women--really, all youth--had female role models of mental and emotional maturity to look up, to respect, to admire, and to aspire to. Conversely, in this, the new millenium, 16-year old girls are only too grateful to have their daddies pay Paris Hilton up to $15,000 to have Miss Hilton appear at their daughters' sweet 16 party. Young women used to sing about "roaring" to be "heard"; now they boast about their "hips" and "humps". They used to fight--metaphorically--for equal rights, equal standing, equal treatment, and equal pay; now they fight--literally--for the attentions of an overaged, former rap star/jester named Flava Flav!

Anyway, the list is broken down by decade, going as far back as the 50s and up through, obviously, the first half of our present 00s (ironically enough, the most recent addition, The Essential Hank Williams Collection: Turn Back the Years, which came out last year, is from an artist whose heyday was some 50 years ago). There are other such surprises--two Radiohead albums and no GnR!--and more not so much--usual supsects Beatles, Rolling Stones, Michael Jackson--and an opportunity to write back to the TIME music editors about any other personal, salacious indignations the All-TIME 100 Albums list has assaulted upon you!

Most of the remaining 25% of my online friends, the ones I do know, or at least have met, I must be honest, are social acquaintances. But they are welcome in my home at almost any time, and there is very little I wouldn't do for them. I enjoy our common interests, respect our differences and appreciate their personality and, on most occasions, wisdom. These are my real friends, not the hundreds of people who have checked out my profile at least--and often, only--once, but the people who I depend on on a regular basis, whether for a shoulder to lean on or just someone to do shots with!

But most people, especially the younger set who seem for the most part to not know any better, don't seem to be able to discern the difference and have long misappropriated the definition of the word "friend", usually and often to mankind's detrition. The fault, for once, lies not within society itself, always a redefining evolution of mores and practices. No, the fault lies in the most innocent and innocuous of modern conveniences: the Internet.

To see the music video in all its higher-resolution glory, CLICK HERE!

s1. George Washington (1789-1797)
spacJohn Adams (1789-1797)

s2. John Adams (1797-1801)
spacThomas Jefferson (1797-1801)

s3. Thomas Jefferson (1801-1809)
spacAaron Burr (1801-1805); George Clinton (1805-1809)

From webindia123.com:

The city of Naples, Italy Tuesday prepared to kick off its 11th annual Pizzafest with the first ever World Pizza Day.

But to know if a pizza tastes as it should, it's better to try it at least once in Naples so you can compare it with those being produced elsewhere, he added.

SOME INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT PIZZA:

They release this list to the public at the end of every August, so that the rest of us can feel like old fogeys. The incoming class of 2010 was born in 1988, the year I (would have) graduated college!

To give you an idea, the big songs of 1988 were "Need You Tonight" and "Never Tell Us Apart" by INXS, "Roll With It" by Steve Winwood, "Wishing Well" by Terence Trent Darby, "Wild, Wild West" by Escape Club", "Father Figure" and "Monkey" by George Michael, "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman, "Man in the Mirror", "Dirty Diana" and "The Way You Make Me Feel" by Michael Jackson, "Red, Red Wine" by UB40, "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys, and, believe or not, "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns 'r' Roses!

And now, The Beloit College's Mindset List for the Class of 2010!:

Thanks to Malibu Kutt for giving me the inside track on this!!

And while we're at it, I present to you...

CANDID CRITIC'S TOP TEN MOVIE TITLE REJECTED BY MEL GIBSON

The Top Ten Movie Titles Rejected by Mel Gibson, as tallied by my good friends at CandicCritic.com

10.) Payback with Interest

9.) The Man Without a Talis

8.) Lethal Latkes

7.) Maverickberg

6.) Mad Max III: Beyond the Bitter Herbs

5.) Braveheart: Buying At Retail

4.) Bird on a Kibbutz

3.) Manishevitz Sunrise

2.) Mad Max II: The Road Moil

1.) Angry Mordechai

To add insult, it turns out that Mr. Hajj is presently being looked into for staging photos of supposedly greif-stricken victims and for receiving two paychecks--under two different names--for the exact same photos.

Now, to most, this behavior borders on criminal; the one aspect of media that shouldn't be doctored at all is the news. However, for those who have been paying attention, the signs were there all along. Every thing we consume for information, education or edification has been, and is still being, doctored for palatability, or, when it comes to the news, acerbity. For the news, it's Shock & Awe: Criminal Invent; for everyone else, though, it's just business as usual.

That's how I know I'm old, when I'm having a conversation with a 29-year old woman who doesn't remember life before cable, and doubts the veracity of my claim that MTV's only programming back then was just videos--no reality or award shows, not even MTV News!--and that for the first few years, never even showed commercials! She didn't know that VH1 stood for Video Hits One!

In the interest of full disclosure, I couldn't get this video to play in either of my browsers, which is why I'm glad and grateful Lexiphane transcribed the best part of the video:

After I finished bartending during the day, I'd take my friends and customers over to the Heidelberg and hang out at the bar there while Dieter would ply his trade while plying us with shots of Jager for hours. Obviously cheaper then, especially for a German restaurant, the real benefit for Dieter was that he could go shot for shot with his customers and still have enough presence of mind to count out the register at night.

I adopted this philosophy and, to this day, realize that, more so than any other liquor, I maintain the greatest (although not great) frame of mind when drinking the stuff, as opposed to former favorites tequila and vodka, which made me more prone to blackouts.

The obvious rumors have been that Jager, at one point, used to contain opium, which it did, that Germans used it for medicinal purposes, which they did and still do, and that it contains deer blood, which snopes.com refutes thusly:

This new man has no idea of new hair care products nor has he a care in this season's shirts are about stripes or solid colors. This new man could not care less about earth tones, fusion cuisine, or 2-button versus 3-button blazers.

This new man, who woman are admitting they are finding the most attractive these days, is not a new man at all, but the old man. Out are the examples of David Beckham and Jude Law and in are present representations Russell Crowe and James Gandolfini.

Yes, gone are the days and incarnations of the Metrosexual (and my self-proclaimed "ghettrosexual" nights); today's epitome of desirable testosterone production is the "new" man, and he is called, the Retrosexual.

What I find most amusing about this development is that, by its very definition, the Retrosexual would be the very last person interested in any of this--"Don't define me, feed me!"--and would find no compliment in being labled as such.

But that would never stop the purveyors of pop culture from trying to spot, if not create, the next b ig thing. So here is a list of some future incarnations of men that we should all be on the look out for:]]> http://www.kerrycheeseboro.com/weblog/2006/07/retro_active.html http://www.kerrycheeseboro.com/weblog/2006/07/retro_active.html Boys & Girls Thu, 27 Jul 2006 16:40:17 -0500